I am Worthless

It is now 4:51 a.m. Saturday morning. I still haven't been to bed yet.

My mind was still in overdrive when it was bedtime, so I was having trouble getting sleepy. I thought maybe a nice hot shower would relax me. I showered, crawled into bed and just ended up tossing and turning and tossing and turning. Poor Ron deserved a little better than that, so I thought I'd get up and go downstairs to try to relax a bit. I watched TV awhile and about 2:00 a.m. I was feeling like I could try again.

Back up the stairs (stopping to notice a HUGE spider web on the outside of the window over the steps!) and I curled up in bed. I was feeling ok, feeling like I was relaxing and maybe just at the verge of drifting to sleep. Then Ron's phone went off. He was called in to work. Grrr. Poor guy didn't get enough sleep yet and he has to get up, get dressed and is out the door.

Now I'm all alone.

Hey, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my alone time. Some times, I crave it. However, 2:30 a.m. is NOT the time to be enjoying alone time. I thought if I turned the TV on in the bedroom, I could lay there and watch TV and drift off to sleep. No such luck. As if my mind wasn't busy with enough bad thoughts, now I'm thinking of the spider that lives in that web outside of the window on the steps. Then, I start to think . . . "what was that?? Was that the door opening downstairs?" Yes, I laid there, even with the TV on, hearing all real and imagined noises this house was making. I quit fighting it.

No, I'm not going downstairs to check out the noises. But I did come in here and put the TV on and started to play Pogo. What's a girl to do.

I was supposed to have an eye appointment at 9:00 a.m. I just called and left a message that I had an emergency and that I wasn't going to be able to keep my appointment. I don't think by 9:00 a.m. I'll be able to pry my eyes open with a crowbar.

Now, here I sit. Not awake, not asleep, afraid of the sounds of the house and the spider outside the window. The damn birds are singing but it's still dark outside.

I need one of two things. I need Ron to get home so I can feel safe again and go back to bed. Or, I need the sun to come up so that most of my monsters will go away and I can go to bed. Dang, I need to go to bed.