Saturday, July 24, 2010


I do love free stuff. Even if it's crap.

One of the perks of my job is that I get to order supplies. Who knew that suppliers were into bribing their customers with free stuff? For real!

I'm not talking about ordering big stuff, but office supplies and shipping supplies are a common order for me.

As soon as I log into a website, I get the notice that if I spend "X" amount of dollars, I get something free! Well, I have to spend a whole lot more to get some good free crap, but hey, free crap is free crap! I do love free.

First was Staples. One of the great things about Staples is if you order more than $50 in office supplies, they ship right to your door for free. That's an easy order to fill as it doesn't seem to take much to hit that $50 mark.

I don't remember what the metric was for getting a free gift, but I had a choice between two items. I chose the free blue tooth. Who knew when that would come in handy!

Before someone thinks I'm overstepping my bounds, I did give Mike first choice on the free bounty. It's his money, after all. When he rolled his eyes at the blue tooth, I took it!

On to Uline. This is where we buy some different shipping supplies, mostly boxes. I needed to order some other stuff and sure enough, another free gift! This time it was Hall & Oates, Live!

Being born in 1963, I have definitely went through my love of Hall & Oats music. As a matter of fact, I still enjoy a lot of it. On a side note though, I dare you to watch this video and not laugh hysterically! It's a great song, but what were they thinking making this video? Check out the hair and the shoes!! Wow!

But I digress.

Mike made his comments about the stupid CD but as I tried to explain to him, free was free! Of course, he declined his first dibs on the CD and I happily left work with the new CD in hand, ready to enjoy some classic music on my way home.

Mike came out to the parking lot to have a listen, since he claimed that he didn't know any of their music. I cranked up the stereo and still can't get the vision of Mike DANCING in the parking lot out of my head! Damn, eye bleach anyone?? (I love you, brother!)

And, while I won't admit it to him that CD really is a piece of crap. I listened through most of it on my way home. Maybe I'm just not a fan of live versions. Nah, sorry Hall & Oates. That was crap. Even if it was free.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What A Waste

I hate waste. I really do. I work too dang hard for my money to waste what I have.

Let's back up just a bit.

I forgot to take something out of the freezer for dinner tonight, Ron was on a service call, so I called Phil at home. I asked him to go to the freezer in the basement and take out three chicken breasts to thaw. Easy right?

A few minutes later, Phil calls me and asks if I would consider a plan B for dinner! What the heck! I know there is another bag of chicken breasts down there, how could he not find them?

I wish it was that easy. Phil let me know that whichever of us was last in that freezer, never shut the damn door. Phil said that most everything inside was encased in about 4" of ice! You gotta be kidding me! He did take the bag of chicken upstairs and was able to bang it on the sink to get three pieces out of the frozen stack.

Ron came home and unplugged the defrosted the freezer. All of the food that was in the freezer was put in a cooler, in our upstairs freezer and in our neighbor's freezer! Once all of the ice was out of the freezer, we tried to assess the damage.

By now, I am home from work. The chicken that Phil took out is defrosted in a zip loc bag in the sink. I opened it and while the smell didn't knock me over, it was a little funky. To top that off, the chicken looked weird. It turned colors I never saw in raw chicken before! Crap, a whole bag of raw chicken breasts went into the garbage bag.

After that, we checked out the sausage. You can get three pounds of Bob Evans bulk sausage at Sam's Club for the price of one pound at Giant Eagle. I had the box of sausage in the door of the freezer, and that was no longer frozen. Yeah, three pounds of sausage on top of the chicken in the garbage.

I HATE throwing away food, but I hate even more making people more sick than usual with my cooking. I had a lot of frozen veggies in the freezer that I have to imagine are just fine. But I'm still worried about a frozen turkey that I had in the freezer. I don't know if that's going to be ok until I thaw it out to cook it. Maybe I should do that this weekend.

Everything else will be on a wait and see. Wait until I try to cook it and see if it's still good!

This makes me absolutely sick thinking of what I threw away. I truly hate to waste and this is waste for NO good reason. We were just careless. This kills me.

In case you didn't guess it, we did do Plan B for dinner. Mutt and Jeff's had a table just for the three of us.

So, Thursday after work, if you need me, I'll be at Sam's Club. I need to restock my freakin' freezer.

Monday, July 19, 2010


I thought I'd do diet updates once a week just to keep me motivated. Boy, did I pick the wrong week for that!

First off, I couldn't come up with a theme for this week, so I'll just throw a thing or two out there that is going on with me.

First it's been a bad week, diet wise. I know not all weeks are going to be stellar, and that plateaus will be reached, but . . . . it's disappointing when the weight loss slows down.

I actually ended up gaining a pound and a half this week. THAT is frustrating! By week's end, I netted a loss of 4/10 of a pound. Not even a half of a pound! Close but no cigar! But, at least I lost that pound and a half I gained. I guess I should be happy about that.

I just have to keep motivated. I'm trying to tell myself that all weeks won't be winners. So, I figured that as long as I was moaning and groaning about not losing enough weight this week, I thought I needed one meal off of my diet. Guess what I made for dinner! ORANGE SPAGHETTI!!!!

I did make a large spinach salad to eat before my bowl of spaghetti. And, I ate all of it. Then I ate all of my orange spaghetti! I did stop myself before I dished out a second helping but I sure did enjoy my first helping! So, in my carb intake log book, here is what it says for dinner:

large spinach salad with tomatoes, cucumbers - 0 grams carbs
1/4 cup blueberries - 5 grams carbs
1 slice swiss cheese - 1 gram carbs
2 tbsp ranch dressing - 2 grams carbs
large bowl orange spaghetti - a lot

Meh. Some days you just gotta.

So that is my advice to you. If more days are successes than not, you're doing good. Once in awhile you have to throw the diet out of the window and enjoy a bowl of orange spaghetti.

I'll do better tomorrow.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

If It Looks Like A Duck And Quacks Like A Duck . . .

We were having a lazy kind of day on Saturday. Well, most of it any way.

Ron did get called into work for a little bit on Saturday morning. If nothing else, we had planned on mowing the grass. So, while Ron was gone, I went out and did my part. I do what I call the "easy" part!

I grabbed the hand mower and went around and did all of the trim. Ron seems to think HIS part is the easy part. He rides the riding lawn mower all around. Ok, in truth, that thing scares me. I feel like I'm going to fall off when I'm doing the tree lawns and we have one small part in the back yard that slopes the slightest grade and I feel like I'm going to tip the riding mower over that part too. Yeah, I'll take the hand mower any day.

Anyway, I did the easy part and when Ron got home, he went on the riding mower and finished up. To be honest, there wasn't much grass to cut, but the weeds were getting out of hand! My nice looking lawn is all brown and dry! Boo! The weeds on the other hand were all tall, green and healthy. Go figure.

As Ron was walking up the driveway after mowing, he saw something in the driveway next to the porch. He brought it up to show me and in our uneducated opinions, this was not something good.

It was the corner of a baggie filled with little white rocks.

Granted, I know nothing about nothing but to us, this didn't look good. We went through our options. Throw it in the garbage. Flush it down the toilet. Smoke it. Turn it in.

In my youth, I might have actually thought about trying it! In the shape I'm in, for real, what could it hurt. But, I chickened out!

We were idiots and called the local authorities. They said they'd send a car to pick it up.

Ron and I went to wait on the front porch and sure enough, a car was here in like five minutes. The officer took the baggie and looked at it. He immediately said "it's too white to be crack cocaine, it's probably nothing". Well, I know nothing about nothing, but something wrapped up the way this was had to be something even if it wasn't crack cocaine.

Whatever. The guy said he'd take it and have it tested. I don't know what he did with it, but at least it was out of our house. Hopefully he didn't spend the rest of his shift sampling the baggie.

Damn, when did I get old and too afraid to be adventurous?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

A New Roommate?

I think we have a new roommate!

Phil told us that he saw a black cat sleeping on our front porch all afternoon one day during the week. I've blogged before about all of the cats in the neighborhood. Am I wrong to be so excited and so thrilled that THIS cat wants to call THIS house home?

I saw her this morning in the back of the house on the parking pad, cleaning herself up and looking like she owned the place. Later in the morning, I was walking through the living room and I saw her walking around the porch looking for a good napping spot! As soon as she saw me, she took off like a shot.

I grabbed a bowl of cat food, put it on the front porch and tried not to watch for her. About an hour later, I saw her like this on the porch next to the empty food bowl! I ran upstairs for my camera and when I was coming down the stairs she was stretching. I was afraid of spooking her again and having her run off, so I just took the picture from the stairs. I know, not the best picture!

She is a cutie, that's for sure. And, even though she's not sharing in the rent, as far as I'm concerned, she's a welcome addition to our family.

And, this explains why my eyes start itching and bothering me when I'm sitting on the front porch!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Snacks on a Diet

Ok, I really hate to call it a diet. I prefer to refer to it as the ruining of my life! No, that's not good. Behavior modification. Yeah, I guess I can go with that one.

Before you say "oh no, not this again" I have decided that I will limit my "behavior modification" updates to just once per week. This is what's IN me right now, and I have to write about it. Poor Ron and Phil and my brother Mike, have to listen to it daily.

As a disclaimer, I am NOT a diet or exercise or even a diabetic professional. I am just sharing what I have found through research, trial and error, professional advice, etc. What I am sharing it totally MY opinion or MY take on all information I have gathered.

That said, when my dietitian helped me set up my new eating plan, she wanted me to consume 180 grams of carbs per day which is 12 servings of carbs. Even to my untrained eye, that just seemed like a lot. Granted, before I started this new me, I was probably eating a gazillion grams of carbs per day.

In my mind, 180 was too much, so I try to stay under 100. I'm not sure if I'm helping or hurting myself in the long run, but I gotta tell you, in doing things my way, I am dropping two to three pounds per WEEK. Seeing those numbers drop like that is totally addictive! I am seeing numbers I haven't seem in YEARS. I am wearing clothes that have been gathering dust in the back of my closet for years! So, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing as long as my back holds out.

Ok, on to this week's topic: SNACKS! When I talked to Sue, my dietitian, I told her I had an addiction to salty things. I need my pretzels almost as much as I need to breathe! So, 30 grams of my allotted 180 grams of carbs in my diet is for my pretzels! You gotta love that way of thinking!

I said earlier, my new life is all about decisions. I decide I like snacks so based on how many carbs I ate during the day is what kind of snack I have at night. Trust me, I do have a variety to choose from!

I have become a self proclaimed expert at reading the nutritional value labels on everything. I watch my carbs like no one's business. Let me give you one word of advice on reading labels. Not only do you want to know how many carbs are in an item, but also what constitutes a serving. Grrr, I've been burned by that one before! Check serving size!

Even my beloved pretzels differ. Depending on the brand and size, you can have a few or a lot! For example:

My favorite Utz brand pretzels from Sam's Club: this is the top snack for a day! Eight pretzel rods is 30 grams of carbs though. I REALLY have to want a snack and I have to REALLY want pretzels to eat 30 grams of useless carbs. I'm not going to say I don't do it, but I sure do it a lot less than I thought I would. It's all about decisions. Is 30 grams of carbs ok today? Some days the answer is yes. Some days, it's no. On the days when the answer is no, we move on down the list.

Who hasn't had Rold Gold pretzel sticks? Tiny but lovely little bits of happiness. And, I can have 48 sticks per serving for a total of 23 grams of carbs. A serving of Rold Gold looks like this:

Either way, if I'm having pretzels, I break them into smaller pieces. It's all about the hand to mouth comforting.

And, yes, I really do portion out my snacks like this. My one cup measuring cup and my little snack bags have become every day tools for me. I don't have to like it, but I do have to do it. Besides, when you have your snacks portioned out like this, it's easier to grab one bag and call it good. I know this is all I can have, so that's all I have. Again, this works good for me.

Next on the list is kettle corn! The two cups of kettle corn shown above is only 21 grams of carbs! And, two whole cups, some nights feels like you're getting a huge snack! That's a lot of hand to mouth comfort, I'm telling you! This was a pre-popped bag of kettle corn. If you buy the small snack bag size of microwave kettle corn, each snack bag runs about the same. The brand I have at home is 20 grams of carbs per bag. That's a good snack!

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but this is becoming a fast favorite, even over the pretzels! If someone would have told me a month ago that I would suddenly LOVE celery with peanut butter, I'd have called them a liar! But the truth is, I can't get enough of it anymore! In my Jif creamy peanut butter, there are 7 grams of carbs per 2 tablespoons of peanut butter. I started out measuring 2 tablespoons and that just wasn't enough. I've doubled it, and what you see above is about 4 tablespoons of peanut butter, or 15 grams of carbs. To me, this makes a better sized snack. As a matter of fact, this was my snack last night and again today as part of my lunch. Who knew I'd grow to eat celery? I haven't done it in 47 years! Old dog, new trick! Scary!

If I've decided to eat more carbs during the day, I try to cut down on my snack at night. One of the first things they told me about eating as a diabetic is that you HAVE to eat. Often. Ok, that part I like hearing! So, a snack at night is important for me. If I don't want to spend any more carbs, I have alternatives.

A suggestion from Sue to cure a salt craving is to take cucumber and salt it. You'd be amazed how that works! I take about a cup of sliced cucumber, throw some salt on it and that's a snack. All that for a grand total of zero carbs and I've had a salt fix!

And, lastly, what I affectionately call my "cup of crap"!! This is a cup of whatever veggies I have on hand cut up. Here's what I mean:

Top left is my celery. These don't make the cup of crap too often, just because I prefer the celery with the peanut butter! Top right is okra and one broccoli stalk. I cut the stalk up in my salads! Bottom left is carrot sticks and bottom right is green beans. I've also had pea pods, broccoli, cauliflower and whatever else I can't think of right now. As soon as I bring this crap home, it gets cleaned and cut up. I'm much more likely to eat them if they are ready to eat!

The cup of crap above is an easy one of just carrot, green beans and okra. I've been buying cherry tomatoes like crazy and I like to add a few of those in my cups of crap as well. Again, zero carbs.

So there ya go. My most important food of the day, snacks! If this information helps you, great! If you have suggestions or ideas for other tasty low carb snacks, let me know!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Steak on a Stone

We went and had lunch today with Nick and Sally!

We went to a restaurant called Steak on a Stone and it's over on Lorain Road in North Olmsted. I gotta tell you, this place was definitely some place you should try!

First off, it was Sunday and we were there during the Sunday brunch. There was a buffet full of salad stuff, breakfast stuff and entree stuff. All well and good, but when you're some place called Steak on a Stone, you kinda gotta order the restaurant's name sake! Since the buffet was set out, they did not offer their entire menu during this time, but the steaks on a stone were an option.

Above, Ron looking so thrilled that I have a camera in my hand and below is Nick and Sally.

Nick and I tried the steak while Ron and Sally chose the buffet. For the steak, you first choose which cut of steak you want. I chose the 8 oz sirloin. You also get two side dishes and two dipping sauces. For sides I chose a side salad. This was not worthy of being called a salad. it was romaine lettuce on a plate. Nothing else. Yeah, not a salad.

That aside, my other side dish was the veggie of the day, broccoli. Thumbs up for the broccoli! For dipping sauces, I chose a house steak sauce, along the lines of an A-1 sauce and a mushroom cabernet sauce. While the sauces were good, they really hurt the meat. The meat was so awesome on its own, it did not need any help!

So, they take this stone and heat it to 750 degrees! Yes, 750 degrees! The stone is placed on a plate, which this white plate is safe to handle. It gets warm but not hot.

They place your steak on the stone and the server brings it out. That sears the meat and seals in all of the juices. Once the server brings it to your table, he flips the steak over to sear the other side. From there, you are NOT to move the steak on the stone. You slice off thin pieces, place them on the stone and cook them until your desired done-ness is reached. This takes some doing to figure out how many pieces to slice at once and how long to let them sit on your stone. A few pieces got too well done for me, but you quickly get the hang of it.

Above, the steak on the stone with some sea salt. I have a few pieces cut off, cooking on the stone. Below, Ron caught me right in the middle of really enjoying this steak!

I think I'd have licked the stone clean if it weren't for the fact that it was probably only down to 500 degrees now! I can't believe that they put these right on the table, but we walked away unscathed! And very full!

Like I said earlier, this is fantastic! In my opinion, the sauces really detracted from the taste of the meat, but hey, to each their own.

If you're in North Olmsted, or any where close by, stop in and have a meal. A little on the pricier side, but it was truly worth it!

Good friends, good food, what more can you ask!

No Sharp Objects

I love my sister! I really do!

Not only is she my friend, she is my sounding board, she is my cheering section, she is my confidant, she is my confessor, she is my partner in crime! 3,000 miles between us can't stop that!

The other day, I received a surprise package in the mail from my Sissy! Like any good woman, she was watching an infomercial on TV and just had to have it! It was a ceramic knife and ceramic peeler! There was a deal that you buy one, get one free! I do love free stuff. So, she grabbed her knife and peeler out of the box, closed the box back up and sent the second set to me!

I got this on Friday so Saturday, I had them all washed up and ready to go. I had a ton of cutting, chopping and peeling to do. Eating healthy is NOT easy. But, that's a story for another day.

I did well through most of my cutting, chopping and peeling. I can say that so far, all I've peeled is some broccoli stems and to be honest, I wasn't thrilled with the peeler. But then again, that's one of the hardest things to peel. So, maybe I should hold off judgment until I peel something more practical like a potato or a cucumber. For now, for broccoli stems, not so great.

The knife on the other hand is amazing! No knife I have ever owned has been this sharp! And, I believe I have owned some sharp knives in my day. This thing is amazing though, and about 10 inches long including the handle. Something that small to be so deadly.

A little back story here. The women in my family, my Mom, and the three of us sisters, have always been bad with sharp objects. Between the four of us, we should have owned stock in band-aids. Most dinners weren't complete without some blood shed. My Mom was the queen of this and she definitely passed it along to her daughters!! Walking and chewing gum? The same thing. We will be black and blue. It's a family thing.

What was Cathie thinking sending ME a sharp knife? For that matter, what was she thinking buying one for HERSELF???? Sister, I'm telling you, for your own safety, RUN! No, better yet, don't run. Just be SOO careful when using that knife!

I was almost done with all of my veggie duties yesterday. I was down to cleaning the celery. Suddenly, CRAP! I put the knife down, and calmly walked upstairs for a band-aid.

Ron: What's up?
Me: Nothing. I just cut myself with the knife. I need a band-aid.
Ron: Be careful!
Me: Too late.

Once my wound was properly dressed, I went downstairs, carefully cleaned my knife and went back to work. Five minutes later, knife down, I walked back upstairs.

Ron: What's up?
Me: Nothing. I just cut myself with the knife. I need a band-aid.
Ron: Um, I thought you already got a band-aid.
Me: Phht
Ron: I told you to be careful!

Yeah. Back downstairs with my TWO dressings, cleaned the knife again and was EXTRA careful while I finished cleaning my damn celery! I knew healthy food wasn't good for you! But, I digress!

So, Sister, thank you for the knife! It is extremely sharp! Please be more careful than I was with it!! From now on, I say we stick to refrigerator magnets for surprise gifts in the mail!!

Thursday, July 08, 2010

How Wet Is Too Wet?

For real, are there degrees of wetness where you're too wet?

Tonight as I got done on the treadmill, Ron had just come in from the front porch. This is one of his summer time smoking spots. He told me the storm was finally rolling in. Just as he said that, I saw the lightening in the sky out there. I do love a good storm, especially when I'm at home.

When I'm done on the treadmill, I usually like to sit under the ceiling fan that's on high until I cool down. With the storm blowing in, I thought it might be more comfortable finally outside instead of the 90+ degree heat we've been dealing with.

I kicked off my socks and shoes and to the front porch we went. Just as we went outside, the rain started. It was coming down like no one's business. With the wind blowing, we got a little bit of spray from the rain, but not much.

The temps did lower a little but not much. I was still too damn hot! Aside from the lightening, the rain looked just too inviting! What did I do? C'mon, you know what I did! One step at a time, I walked right off the porch and down onto the sidewalk. Ron sort of looked at me like was I nuts! Well, maybe I am, but just a little!

The rain actually felt fantastic! It was cool, refreshing, exhilarating, rejuvenating. I'm telling you, if it wasn't lightening, I would have ventured out farther than my own sidewalk.

The down side was after getting soaked to the bone, I walked into the house, into the air conditioning and I was chilled to the bone. Small price to pay for being carefree, out in the rain. It was nothing that a warm shower didn't fix.

My advice to you is, next time it's raining outside, especially if it's a down pour, venture out in it. You won't be sorry!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Technology Hates Me

We all know I'm technologically challenged. Some days that is just more evident than others.

Before the holiday, I was having trouble with my work computer. Actually, it started a few weeks before that, but it came to a head just before the holiday. I think I got some kind of ick and the guys had worked on my computer trying to get rid of the ick.

Tuesday when I booted up, I made it about 1/2 hour before the whole thing thumbed its nose and me and just locked up. Mike and his partner came over, looked at it, then took the computer behind the building and shot it to put it out of its misery.

Ok, a little poetic license here. They didn't actually shoot it! But they might as well have.

The good news/bad news is that Mike headed right to Sam's Club and bought me a brand spanking new computer!

Yeah. New.

Have you ever had to switch over to a new computer? It SUCKS! I am not much for bells and whistles! I like my old bells and whistles! I knew my old bells and whistles! Holy crap, Windows 7 is not a cake walk.

Ok, maybe Windows 7 can be a cake walk, but Office 10 SUCKS! O M G. I was working in Excel today and I was trying to recreate a spreadsheet. It's a spreadsheet with many lines, so I like to freeze the panes above to keep my column headers showing. Simple click of the mouse. Ok, two clicks actually. It took me ten minutes today to figure out how to freeze the dang panes! C'mon now, this is basic crap! Wait until I get to the hard stuff!!

Another thing about upgrading is that nothing seems to be compatible with what I had. I had a nice little printer right on my desk that I did 99% of my printing on. This old little printer had a parallel port (like I know what that means! Buzz words courtesy of Ron!!) and the computer only has USB ports. The powers that be at work feel that even if they got a connector that changes the parallel to a USB, the drivers will be so old that Windows 7 will not run the printer.

That's exactly what happened with the big printer in Mike's office. While I don't print much on that printer, what I do print over there is probably more important than what I print on my printer. Nothing would make that printer connect to my computer. There were no drivers available on line and the disc WITH the drivers wouldn't load onto the computer. So, I could SEE the printer (when Mike wheeled it into my office and plugged it directly in) but I still can't use it.

So, I am absolutely printer-less. I had no idea how many times a day I print until I don't have a printer!

I did come to a part of my day where I had to get stuff printed out. Mike switched desks with me so that I could work off of his computer which is connected to a printer and he would work off of my computer. Easy, right. If you've ever seen Mike's office, you'd have an idea of how little space I had to work with! (I love you, brother!) But, I muddled through. I was worried though when I heard Mike say something about not remembering the last time he had that much desk space to work on! I told him not to get used to it!

Eventually, we switched back to our normal desks and all is well with my world. Or at least with my desk. I have no printer and they can't get my work email to log me on! C'mon now people! What more can go wrong?

HA! Never ask that question, because something else will go wrong! Case in point, my damn cell phone!

On my way to work this morning, my friend Robert from Houston called me. I didn't have my Garmin on for the blue tooth but I did just get a new blue tooth ear thingie recently. It's not like I know how to work it, but I have it!

I asked Robert to hold on while I got my blue tooth turned on. While driving, that task was just too difficult and I couldn't figure it out. I threw the blue tooth back in my purse and I just put my phone on speaker phone to finish my call. Then the problems started.

I got a call later in the afternoon and I answered it to hear nothing. Come to find out, the person on the phone could hear me, I just couldn't hear them. I did what I always do when technology confuses me. I got ahold of Ron on speaker phone, the only way my phone seemed to work.

I told Ron about the blue tooth and then it hit me! I DID turn the blue tooth on so when my phone connected, it was running through the damn blue tooth that was in my purse! I'm telling you, it was NOT my day with technology!

So there you go. Overwhelmed again. Here's hoping that tomorrow brings solutions to my problems at work. I think my cell phone is ok for the moment! But just in case, if you need me, try sending smoke signals. I really need to give up on technology for awhile.

Monday, July 05, 2010

I've Been At A Loss For Words

Can you believe it? Me of all people, at a loss for words? Call the press, people! This just doesn't happen!

I guess I've had some news but didn't want to blab it until I had notified my family first. And, since this has been about the only thing on my mind for the last few months, I am having a hard time writing about anything else.

Type II Diabetes

I can't even say those words out loud. But, that's the news I got at my last physical a few months ago. Now, I know, I've been sitting around here boo hooing and oh why me and all that. It's not necessarily a death sentence. Although, my Dad died a slow painful death due in part to diabetes. I also see others in my family losing the fight with this disease as well. I guess it's my choice what to do and believe it or not, it's a choice I have to make every single day, every single hour, ever single minute. After all, up to now, I have lived to eat.

How could this diagnosis come as any surprise? Have you looked at my thighs lately? Or my family history? I knew this was coming, but I was happily living in my world of denial. I miss that world. Like I said, I've been boo hooing and having visions of my Dad getting his leg chopped off and not being able to see any more. I am not convinced that this isn't in my future, but I am giving it an honest effort to change my outcome. But, I am paying another price for cleaning up my act. It's a no win situation.

Let's go back to where this new journey began.

Back about four months ago, I had my physical. I peed in a cup, I had blood drawn, I stopped just short of turning my head to cough. All of my tests came back and I heard nothing from my doctor. I did have a mammogram and they were at least nice enough to tell me that came back ok. This was the only notification I received.

About a month later, I found out the hard way that I have developed a food sensitivity to shell fish. While at the doctor's office for that, he offhandedly mentioned that he saw my sugar was up when I had my blood work done and perhaps we should talk about it when I was feeling better. Ok, no problem.

Finally, two months after this, I have my appointment for my Pap. Don't ask why he couldn't do this when I had my physical. It made NO sense to me especially after I told him I'd put this off for a few years. Why he told me to wait a few more months to have my Pap made no sense to me, but I digress.

So, there I am in all of my glory and he again mentions that my sugar is higher than he'd like it. He did a finger stick test called the A1C test. This measures the amount of glucose cells that have attached to your red blood cells. Since your red blood cells live for about 90 days, this test will be able to tell you how your sugar has been running for the last three months. He explained this much to me and told me that my results were just over 10%. I don't know about you, but when you want little numbers, 10% of anything sounds like a good number to me! What do I know! I came to find out that 10% is bad. Way bad.

He suggested I talk to the dietitian. Ok, that sounded reasonable. I know I don't eat right, so maybe with a little guidance, I can learn to eat a little better and take care of my possible problem that way.

I made an appointment with the dietitian and in an hour with her, my life has changed. I have Type II Diabetes. I guess this shouldn't have come as such a surprise but for crying out loud, why in THREE appointments is my doctor not overly concerned or prescribing anything. An hour with the dietitian, I have a new diet, orders to exercise, a glucose meter and needles (YES, NEEDLES), and what I feel is a death sentence. As I've said, I've watched my Dad die a slow painful death from this disease and I am now watching others I know do the same thing. Why do I think it will be any different for me? I am so frustrated and in the middle of a good pity party for myself. To top it all off, within two hours of leaving the dietitian, the doctor has now called in a prescription that I needed to start taking IMMEDIATELY. I've seen him three times and it wasn't necessary to write me a prescription, but one hour with the dietitian and it takes HER to tell HIM to write me something? While I'm not convinced of his abilities as a physician who has my best interests at heart, I do have some faith in her.

The only bright spot of this is the dietitian. She has been very supportive (she's a diabetic herself), non judgmental, and full of suggestions and ideas. She taught me how to use my glucose meter, how to prick my freakin' finger, and went over my diet with me. Here's where we had to compromise.

We grew up eating unhealthy food. Why? Because we weren't well off and you could feed a lot of people with crap food. It doesn't cost much to feed an army on orange spaghetti or cabbage and noodles. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to buy fresh vegetables? Or lean meat? For real, healthy eating is NOT cheap.

I did tell my dietitian that I have an addiction to salty things. I NEED pretzels. She wrote them into my diet. I like this woman!

We are doing a low carb diet with exercise. Hmm. Everything I love has a LOT of carbs. For that matter, almost everything has some carbs. It's crazy. To help me get my mind around just what I was doing to myself, I started a journal of sorts. It's mainly my way to keep track of everything I shove into my mouth. I have an allotted number of carbs I am to be ingesting in a day. Believe it or not, your body does NEED some carbs. Just not a gazillion grams a day like I've been doing. Go figure. She gave me a range, and in my mind, it made more sense to cut that number in half. Don't ask me, but I've self imposed a worse limit than she gave me.

Then I bargain with myself. If I have a cup and a half of the best cereal in the world, Special K with red berries with a half of a cup of 2% milk, that's 44 grams of carbs. That's a lot for one meal. Lunch better be a spinach salad with tomatoes and cucumbers and only 7-10 grams of carbs for 2 tablespoons of dressing. I guess my life is now all about decisions. Every single day, every single meal. Have I mentioned that before? Talk about a life change. No good answers to these decisions either. Where is the decision where pizza is the right answer??

As much as I cut back, I try to cut back enough so that I can still have my pretzel stix at night. A girl has to have her standards. Besides, I fought hard to keep them in my diet! I love this mondo sized pail of the Utz's pretzels, found of course at Sam's Club. Unfortunately, to fit into my diet, I get eight stix for a 30 grams of carbs snack. That's a lot of carbs, so I better be good all day to fit that in at night!

Now on to exercise. This part is killing me. I spent a ton of money years ago on the tread mill that takes up too much of my living room. I guess it's now or never to finally get my money's worth out of it. The walking has now aggravated my back to the point of unbelievable pain. I also have something wrong with my heel which I am suspecting is a heel spur. The walking isn't doing much for that, either. It seems I am taking ten steps backwards to take one step forward.

What do I have to show for this? Well, in the past year, I've lost 29 pounds the easy way. I have come to find out that when your sugar is out of control, you lose weight like mad. I don't know if my body is eating itself or what. But, the first 29 pounds, I ate all I wanted and just dropped the weight. Bonus! Personally, I was all for continuing on that way, but no one else seemed to go with my suggestion.

My diet is limited to carb restrictions. I am not counting calories or worrying about anything else. Carbs. I hate that the word "carbs" is my new buzz word. But, I digress. I try to eat less that 100 grams of carbs per day. Plus, I do 40 to 45 minutes on the treadmill, at least six days a week. What do I have to show for this?

Since June 8th, my sugar is no longer elevated like it was, but remains within the tolerances set out for me by the dietitian and the American Diabetic Association. I have lost an additional 14.2 pounds and I am fitting into clothes in my closet that I haven't worn in years.

On the flip side, I'm back to where I was physically a year ago. I hurt. Daily. Hourly. I can't sit, I can't stand, I can't lay. But my sugar is going down.

I know I should quit bitching. The diagnosis could have been a LOT worse and I do realize that. That doesn't change the fact that at 47 years old, I have fucked up my life so much that I don't know if there is a coming back from this or through this. I know, one day at a time, one hour, one minute, one decision at a time. I am not convinced that I can really keep this up, but so far, I've been giving it one heck of a try.

I hope this blog won't become a diet journal, but I'm afraid that might happen. Sorry in advance! But this has taken over me to the point of obsession. I can think of little else, I know I talk of little else any more.

This is what's going over here and why I've been so quiet. I wasn't sure I was going to write about this, but I just have to. My life is forever changed.

I am a diabetic. In trying to get this under control with my exercise, my back is killing me and my foot hurts like hell.

My kingdom for a couple of Vicodin.

And a bag of potato chips.