Just Between Us

This is one of them stories that I am embarrassed to tell! So, if you'd just keep it between us, I'd appreciate it.

I know I am amusing to my neighbors. I'm not graceful, not too knowledgeable, I just seem to know enough to get myself in trouble. For example, cutting the grass. The riding mower still scares the crap out of me, so I'm sure the occasional scream that slips out of me coupled with the funny faces I'm sure I make, guarantees that I am entertaining to watch.

Anybody out there ever water their lawn? It's not as easy as you think! We have one of them nozzles that you jam into the ground and then it goes softly left to right, then ratchets itself back from right to left. You can set your arc as wide or narrow as you want, as long as you can figure out how to set the doo-hickey stops on it.

I don't water my lawn often, but this time of year seems to bring it out in me. I've had a green lawn most of the summer and now it's turning brown in big patches due to the heat and not enough rain. Last week, I thought I'd be nice to my grass and set up the hose. With the big yard that I have, I have to do this in zones. I figured I could at least spend a couple of hours on the worst of the brown patches.

I jammed the spike into the ground and then went and turned the water on. Just like in the movies, of course I have it backwards and there is no way to get from where I am to where it is without getting wet. No worries, I was prepared for that! I have on my shorts, a shirt and no socks or shoes. I'm as prepared as I can get!

I walk through the water, get the spike out of the ground and jam in back in after I turned it around. Then I have to watch the water go back and forth until I get that arc starting and stopping exactly where I want it. Like I said, easier said than done. But, finally, I get it. I'm soaked, but the grass is getting watered and the neighbor's car isn't. Win/win.

Now I go back into the house to eat dinner. That's when I notice that my feet are covered with grass! Yeah, I'm a fan of mulching your clippings back into your grass so there is grass clipping all over the yard, especially all over my wet feet!

I'm standing on the rug in the kitchen trying to use a paper towel to dry my feet and get all the grass off of them. Yeah, that ain't working.

Then I see that the sinks are empty. My hair brained mind figured why not just rinse my feet off in the sink??? I am good at planning. Unfortunately the execution part of my plans is usually lacking.

Have I mentioned I am NOT graceful?

I stand next to my sink. I left my left leg up and place my left foot into the dirty side of the sink. So far, so good! To be honest, I'm freakin' impressed that I could lift my leg that high! Once my foot was rinsed free of grass clippings, I realized I'm was in trouble. Um, what goes up should come down, but my foot was not cooperating. There is no way that I was going to stand on one foot, lift my left foot higher to get it up and over the sink and get it down to the floor without killing myself or at least breaking my leg.

"RON!!!"

Poor guy. Imagine his life with me! I can only imagine what goes through his head some days when he gets called to come save me once again! Being the good guy that he is, he came over, dried my foot with a paper towel and then helped me get both feet back on the floor.

Aah, thanks honey! But, "since you're standing there, please help me do the other one"! So, I lifted my right leg, got my right foot into the sink, rinsed, and Ron again dried my foot and then helped me plant both feet safely back on the floor. For real, how many people get stuck in their kitchens with one foot in their sink?

I can't make this stuff up! Some days I think I should charge admission for glimpses into my life. I can be entertaining, just ask Ron!