Not Exactly How I Planned It

Anyone that knows me, knows I'm not an animal person.

I don't have anything against them per se, as long as they just stay away from me. I'm not one that will kick a dog or set a cat on fire, but I can't imagine having an animal in my house. Ok, other than my fish!

Our weather has been so horrible around here lately that I really have been feeling for our local animals.

I've always had a bird feeder outside which I supplement from time to time with some suet in the winter time. Also, any stale bread will get broken up and thrown to the birds.

We have some feral cats in the neighborhood that I've had a few rows with, but only because they were getting into our garbage cans and carrying bones and whatever over to where the guys park their vans. That's just gross to have to clean that up.

Anyway, I've been seeing little cat prints in the snow on our front porch. I gotta tell you, that got me right here. I may be losing my mind, but I went out and bought some cat food. Granted, it was cheap cat food, but I figured those little beggars can't be choosers!

I grabbed a bowl, put some cat food in it and set it out for my little visitors. I'd leave the bowl out there all day and then take it in at night. After all, I have no intention of feeding any neighborhood rats, skunks, possums, or anything else that's not a cat. This was my cat feeding bowl, don't you know. Birds fed over there, cats fed over here. Anyone can see that, right?

It took a few days but the cats found the cat food bowl. I put the bowl just outside of the front door, to the right. I could look through the window and see the little orange tabby out there enjoying my cheap cat food! I feel like I was doing a good job.

Then, one day last week, I came home and the guys told me that there were a ton of birds on the front porch,enjoying the cat food! There was even like four of five cardinals at a time at the food bowl! While that is cool, that is CAT food! WTF! Bird food is over by the BIRD feeder!

I'm not saying that I thought the guys were lying, but c'mon now, this just didn't sound right. Then Sunday afternoon, I was in the office and I was looking out of the window. Just outside of the window is a maple tree and the tree was FULL of birds. And, you may not believe this, but they were all looking in the window at ME! I almost felt like I was in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Then it hit me. They were on the look out for the damn birds that were raiding the cat food bowl on the front porch!

I ran downstairs and sure enough, the cat food bowl was empty. To add insult to injury, the front porch is full of bird shit! Now c'mon! I don't mind feeding the birds, but crap in the grass, not on my front porch! Yeah, I kinda have issues when it comes to bird shit on my porch. All I want to do is grab a bucket of soapy water and go out there and scrub it down, snow or no snow!

So, here I am. My heart is in the right place, but my execution sucks. I'm just torn as to what to try next. I guess I'm ok with the birds stealing the cat food. I mean if they beat the cats to the food, all is fair in war and lunch. But I want the shitting on my porch to stop.

I gotta come up with a plan B here. I don't know what that is yet, but I'll figure it out! It's so cold out there, my poor neighborhood cats need some love!