I lose weight, but it finds me anyway

I am not a paid spokesperson for Weight Watchers.  Perhaps if I was, by now I would be in the maintenance part of my weight loss journey and not in the still losing part. 

In case you've been watching, I finally updated my weight loss on the right side bar.  In the past two weeks, I have GAINED five pounds!  Ugh, I am still beating myself up over this.   It's not like I have been doing all that well these past few months but geez!  Five pounds?  I know, it was Christmas and all that but c'mon, I honestly have little to no will power.

I am NOT bashing Weight Watchers.  It REALLY does work and is worth every penny I pay.  If I follow the program a little bit, Weight Watchers works a little bit.  If I work the program a lot, Weight Watchers works a lot.  It's just hard to always follow portion control and continue to make smarter choices.

Here is a case in point.  We had my family's Christmas dinner last Saturday at Mike's house.  My sister-in-law surprised us all by making a traditional Slovak dish that my family made every Christmas Eve since what feels like the beginning of time.  I haven't had this dish in over 15 years and I was SOOO excited to see it on the table!  Please note, I am NOT blaming my sister-in-law for my irresponsible eating.  I truly was so excited to have this delicacy again after all these years.

We call it bubalki and I'm not guaranteeing that the spelling is correct.  We would make small balls of bread.  By small I mean marble sized.  Half of these bread balls would be mixed on Christmas Eve with butter and sauerkraut.  The other half would be mixed with poppy seed paste and milk and sugar.  Now, the bread alone put up a red flag when it came to choosing what I was going to eat Saturday.  We won't even talk about the butter, the milk or the sugar involved.  If our Weight Watcher's leader would have been there, she would have told us it's ok to eat the bubalki, just take a spoon of each to get a taste and move on.  THAT would have been the responsible answer.  Forget that!  I figured it's been over 15 years since I've had this stuff, and it may be another 15 years before I get it again.  I started off with one spoon of each and when I ate that, I filled up my plate with more.  I figured I was going to eat this stuff until it was coming out of my ears!  Damn that was good!

Was it worth five pounds?  In hind sight, I don't think so.  It would have been worth three pounds, not five!  It wasn't just the bubalki, it was everything else I shoved in my mouth over the holiday.  I'm usually good as passing on sweets but the last couple of weeks I just passed them right onto my plate. 

I keep saying it out loud and to myself.  I really need to get my head back into this.  I am making excuses as to why I am not succeeding but that's what it is; excuses. 

It's no secret that I hurt.  A lot.  I have reached my pain threshold once again.  So I have not been exercising.  At all.  That is ridiculous.  I have a treadmill right in my living room, and I have no excuse not to step up and walk for 1/2 hour instead of sitting on the couch watching TV.  I don't have to walk fast I just have to get moving.  Any activity at this point would just help my cause tremendously.

I am trying to take this excuse off of the board.  I have an appointment on Monday to see if anything can be done.  This is my third doctor visit but this time it's with an Orthopedic who hopefully will get to the bottom of it and get me motivating once again.  Keep your fingers crossed.

I put my weight loss tracker on the side bar of this blog to help keep me motivated.  I thought if I was public about my journey I would be accountable to the three people that read this blog!  In reality, I'm not accountable to anyone but me.  I need to realize that I am worth the fight, worth the hard work, and worth the results.  I need to do this for ME.  I may have gotten to the level of being a "former diabetic" but I still have a long way to go. 

I tell myself every day that it's a new day and today I will be successful.  As long as I have more successful days than non-successful days, I will go a long way.