Alexander And His Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

As far as Mondays go, this one really belongs in the crapper. The title of the above book just seemed so appropriate since it really was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I know of what I speak! I own this book!

We both had a rough night last night. Poor Ron wasn’t feeling well (I’m the one that cooked supper, that’s all I’m saying about that) and when he’s up during the night, it usually means that I wake up too.

That aside, I was up early this morning, in anticipation of catching my flight to Chicago. I was going slow and steady getting ready, basing my timeline on Ron taking me to the airport. Did I mention he wasn’t feeling well? By the time we decided that it’s best he stay home in bed and I drive my own butt to the airport, I had to put some speed into my movements. If I have to park the car and walk forever from long term parking to the terminal, I better get a move on. Besides, it’s Monday morning, and as anyone who travels knows, Monday morning trying to get through security can be a nightmare.

So, I drive to the airport and at first, pull into the wrong parking lot. You’d think it would be as easy as watching for signs but it just ain’t so. I followed one set of signs and it took me right into the Sheraton’s parking lot. So, now I have to exit that freakin’ lot and beg them not to charge me the $6.00 fee for 0-3 hours and find my way back to where I was supposed to be.

Guess what. Yes, I missed it again. Now I’m in the uber expensive lot and by now my frustration level is at about maximum. Obviously, I have a low tolerance.

I find a parking space I hope I can remember (on the right just before the ramp that heads up in case someone is available to remind me that on Friday) and I head to the trunk of my car to get my luggage. Suitcase and laptop accounted for, I lock the car then I open the flap of my laptop case to throw my car keys into it. Guess what’s missing? Yes my wallet.

Hello??? MY WALLET???? My wallet is ALWAYS in the front flap of my laptop bag! Where is it? Where can it be??

Aside from not being able to pay for my meals or hotel room, I can’t even get on the plane since my identification is obviously in my wallet. Holy crap, can this be any worse? It’s 7:00 a.m. and my flight is at 8:20. I do NOT have a lot of leeway here people. I definitely don’t have time to run home, grab my wallet and get back. I also don’t have the option of just having Ron overnight it to the hotel. I need my freakin’ driver’s license to get on the plane. Actually, to even get into the airport.

So, I did what I do in crisis. I called Ron and cried.

I actually made the poor guy get out of bed and run my wallet to me at the airport. We agreed on an out of the way place to meet to alleviate him having to negotiate a lot of traffic and there I stood as if on point.

The smart thing to do would have been to load the car back up and move it to the correct parking lot – if I could find it that is. But no. I was rooted to my rendezvous point from when I hung up with Ron until later when he pulled up to me with my wallet in hand.

I get into the terminal and now it’s 7:45. Keep in mind my flight out is at 8:22 and they close the gate 15 minutes prior to the flight. At best (if my wristwatch is correct) I have 20 minutes to get my bag checked in, get through security and run through the airport to the God forsaken D terminal (the absolute FARTHEST point from where I am in the airport) to catch my damn flight. It ain’t gonna happen. To change my flight is going to personally cost me close to $200 in change fees and a taxi to the audit site from the airport since my team won’t wait for me plus a personal day, since I would HAVE to go home and continue my breakdown in private for the rest of today and then see if I could get a flight tomorrow. I’m too cheap and I can’t afford to throw all that away.

Inside the terminal, I see the line at the counter is very long. I run outside to my buddies, the Skycaps. I get right through, tip double and explain that my flight is leaving at 8:22, is there anyway to get my bags on that plane? She took the tip and assured me my bags would make it.

I ran in the door to see the line at security was at least an hour long and it’s now 7:50. There is no way to make it through security let alone the 10 miles to my gate. I am crushed. I walk outside and back to my Skycap. I ask her if there is any way to uncheck my bag as I am likely not going to make it out today and here’s hoping for a flight tomorrow. She looked at her watch and looked at me and said “oh you can make it. Just use the other security check point!”

Bonus points for her! I hadn’t thought of that. It was a bit of a trek in the wrong direction, but chances are I’d get through a lot more expeditiously than at the main security checkpoint. Sure enough, I’m through and running back through the airport heading for the D terminal. I walk past my original checkpoint at 8:00. Holy crap, no way I can cover that much ground in five minutes.

Then . . . I saw the electric cart! Crying so helps. They don’t like to run the carts for just one person. I told him that I was dangerously close to missing my flight in D and was there any way he could help? I also had some money in my hand. Go figure, he said he’d be happy to help! He whisked me way and to the stairs that take you under the runway over to D. I couldn’t get an electric cart through the underground area, but I was able to hustle on my own accord and get through there and up the next flight of stairs. So lucky for me, my gate was only two down from the escalator and I was able to jump right on the plane a few minutes before they locked the gate! Go me! I texted Ron to tell him I made it as the flight attendant was making her last trip though the plane before shutting the door.

What a way to start a Monday.

First and foremost, thanks go out to Ron. I would not have made it if he hadn’t jumped into action at the first cry of hysteria. I am really sorry that I couldn’t let you sleep like I promised. I am truly more trouble than I’m worth.

And the bright spot for today? My bags did indeed make it on the same flight I did. Bonus.