Happy Birthday, Dad!

Can you believe that this handsome man is 82 years young today?

Happy Birthday, Dad! I can't wait to celebrate with you on Wednesday! I love you!

I'm Home!

Aaah. Finally home.

As you can tell by the lack of blogging, it's been a quiet week. The final week of an audit tends to be a busy week. I don't care how far ahead I think I am, things invariably come up at the last minute and it's all of these little fires that have to be put out before I leave the site. So it's been a week of long hours and staying out of trouble. Honest! I behaved this week!

The best part is Friday night coming home.

Ron picked me up at the airport and we headed for dinner. I chose Longhorn Steakhouse just because I had a hankering for one of those fabulous raspberry margaritas they have. What I found out was that the Longhorn Steakhouse in Elyria Ohio is nothing like the Longhorn Steakhouse in Topeka Kansas. Who'd have thought that a chain restaurant would have different menus at different locations?

In Topeka at the Longhorn, I fell in love with not only the raspberry margaritas, but they have a new dish of grilled Tilapia with a cajun sauce that was absolutely to die for. I've been anxious for Ron to try it so I had every intention of ordering it last night. Guess what? The waitress didn't have a clue what I was talking about. No Tilapia for me. I was not happy.

The food was ok, but once you have your tastebuds ready to wrap around one taste, you substitute another taste in there and your tastebuds won't be 100% happy about it. Oh well.

After dinner, we came home for a nice quiet evening. I went through all the mail (mostly bills, thank you very much) then upstairs to watch tv and play Pogo.

I've blogged before about my love of my DVR. While at home, I don't watch much TV in real time. It's so awesome to tape it and then watch it later if for nothing else than to fast forward through the commercials. After traveling for so long, I almost forgot how wonderful the buttons on my remote control really are! There is the "fast forward" of course. Then there is the "hold that a minute, I have to pee" button. That's always been my favorite. And the "back that up I didn't hear what he said" button. How do people live without this most important buttons??

Man, it's good to be home.

That's Just Wrong, Page 6

Last week, I saw this guy at the hotel, who had to weigh 400 pounds if he weighed an ounce.

He was wearing a t-shirt that read "I Beat Anorexia".

Dude! You may have eaten a few anorexics, but you sure didn't beat anorexia!

That was just wrong.

Gone To The Dogs

I’m telling you, I need to get over this fear of dogs. I can’t seem to get away from them.

Last Thursday night, I walked out of my hotel room to go down the hall for some ice. What do I encounter? Yes, a dog. In a hotel that has a specific no pet policy. And there is a dog in the hallway. As soon as it sees me, it’s lunging at me and baring its teeth. The owner has the audacity to tell me it’s ok, just c’mon through. Yeah, right.

People! I know you love your dogs! That’s fine by me. Just please understand that not everyone loves your dogs, me included! I don’t want a dog baring its teeth at me in a hallway! And, when a hotel has a specific NO PET policy, you shouldn’t think that applies to everyone with pets but you! Grrr.

Ok, so I thought I got over that one. Then today, what does the lady sitting across the plane from me have? Yes, a dog. At least this one was just a little ankle biter that she kept in the carrying case most of the trip. Part of the trip the dang thing was on the pull down tray in front of her. Ugh.

You know how this is going to end up? You’re going to see me in like forty years, being that crazy old lady that lives at the end of her block with 12 dogs, 20 cats, and puts her gold fish bowl in a red rider wagon to take him for a walk every day. That will serve me right for not liking all these dogs I am running into now!

109

There is a bank across the street from the building in which I am working.

When I left work last night about 5:30 p.m. the temperature displayed at the bank said 109 degrees. Yes, that's 109 degrees Fahrenheit.

Fifteen minutes later when I made it across town to my hotel, I was delighted to see the temperature had gone down. Down to 107 degrees.

My next audit better be in the Antartic!

Eww!

I was just in the ladies’ room. What I heard in there was absolutely unbelievable. May I never be so popular as to have this happen to me.

The bathroom I was in has two stalls. Obviously, I was in one of them. A second later, I hear someone come in and enter the other stall. We’ll call her Mary (names have been changed to protect the peeing). Then I hear the door open again, and woman # 2 comes in and says:

Woman # 2: “Mary, are you in here?”
Mary: “yes”
Woman # 2: “Oh thank goodness I found you! I just wanted to give you an update on what I’m doing.”

People, people, people! I don’t care enough about what ANYone is doing that you need to come in while I’m peeing just to tell me that you finished a report. That’s what sticky notes are for. Fill one out. Leave it on my desk. Do NOT search for me in a bathroom!

There isn’t a word strong enough to convey what I’m thinking. So I’ll stick with – eww!

I Play Well With Others

A few posts ago, I told you about following the same lady from the shuttle bus at the airport all the way to my hotel.

Yesterday morning, I went to leave the hotel on my way to work in the morning and who is sitting outside? That same lady! And, her name is Linda.

Linda and I were still laughing about all of the coincidences in the last few days. Since we were now face to face again, we decided to make it official and set a time for dinner. We decided to meet in the lobby last night at 7:00.

At 7:00, we met like we were old friends. A quick decision on a place for dinner, (Chili’s right next door) and we were off. We talked about nothing important. We talked a lot about traveling for work, a little about work, and where we’d been and who we’d been and all kinds of trivial little things.

It was an awesome way to spend an evening, so far from home. We sat and ate like old friends, and we each even enjoyed a margarita with dinner. How can you not like someone who likes margaritas? We exchanged numbers and e-mails and I even got an invite to go visit her in Las Vegas! Hey, if you have to have friends out of town, Las Vegas is a great place to have a friend!

I wonder how soon I can schedule my next vacation!

Who Is That Woman?

Last night at dinner, I was sitting in a booth. On my right was a partial wall about shoulder high, and on the other side of the wall, down a step, was another booth. Since we’re not at eye level with each other, the noise from the adjoining booth is really minimized. You hear them but you don’t really hear them.

I was sitting there, enjoying my dinner, minding my own business, when I saw flash bulbs. Darn paparazzi find me no matter where I go! Actually, it was the table next to me having a party. As I looked over, I saw them hand the camera to the waiter who was going to step back a few steps and take a group picture of the people at the table next to me.

Well, even though I’m a step higher, I figure at least my head and shoulders are going to be in their picture! What to do? Look away and hope they aren’t frightened when they see my mug in their shot? Oh what the heck. I love anonymity!

I heard the waiter yell “THREE, TWO, ONE!” As he hit “one”, I turned towards him, gave him my biggest cheesiest smile along with a wave and he snapped the picture! The waiter lowered the camera and gave me a shocked look. I gave him the “shh” sign and went back to my dinner.

Just wait until these people have that film developed! Too bad I can’t order my own 8x10 glossy of that one!

What Are The Chances?

When I travel for work, the standard procedure is to leave on an early Monday morning flight and return on Friday on a late afternoon flight. When I was making my travel arrangements for this week however, the early Monday flight was booked solid. So, I actually came in last night.

My flight was scheduled to leave Cleveland at 8:40 p.m. I was early enough to the gate so I was sitting there enjoying my book. (This one’s about a bank robbery. In case anyone was going to lose sleep wondering what I am currently reading.) I noticed a woman sitting directly across from me that was almost the spitting image of my sister, Cathie. I mean this woman looked a lot like she should be Cathie’s sister than I do!

She and I ended up chatting for awhile, simply because she was terrified at the thought of traveling on a plane. I know all about fears, so she and I had a nice talk, mainly to help her focus on things other than the upcoming flight. I gave her a good pep talk as we were walking on the plane, told her what to expect in turbulence and tried to calm her fears. I think I did a decent job as we caught up again in baggage claim in the Kansas City airport. She thanked me for the pep talk and said she really appreciated it as she wasn’t used to traveling. I assured her that I am one of the most afraid people out there. I can almost always get someone to help me in my time of need (remember the dog on the plane a few weeks ago?), so it was my turn to return the favor. After I pointed her in the direction she needed to go to for her shuttle bus, I headed out to where I needed to meet my shuttle bus. I’m a sucker for happy endings.

Outside, there is nothing to do but wait. The busses come regularly, so it all depends on where they are in their rounds when you walk out. When the Enterprise shuttle showed up about five minutes later, there was one other lady already on the bus. I got on and I have to tell you, we had the greatest shuttle bus driver ever! He joked and had us laughing all the way from the airport to the facility. He was a hoot and I told him so. This lady and I got off of the shuttle bus still talking about him.

Once inside, we both registered for our cars. She was finished first and out of the door. I followed a few minutes later. It was now just after 10:00 p.m. local time. I’m tired, it’s dark and I still have almost an hour and a half drive ahead of me. I hit the road.

I’m cautious the whole way over here. I’m afraid of getting lost in the dark, since I do it so well when it’s light out. A couple of blocks from the hotel, I pull over to grab a sandwich to take to my room with me. I pull up to the hotel, just as a woman is walking into the hotel. I thought she looked familiar, but didn’t recognize her until I walked in to the hotel myself. It was the woman from the shuttle bus getting her rental car at Enterprise! I approached her first saying “I swear I’m not stalking you!” I mean what are the chances, late at night, that we are headed to the exact same hotel an hour and a half away?! We joked about that a bit, stating that we should have split the cost of the car and just taken one instead of two.

The more we talked, the weirder it got. I said this is my fourth week here with one more to go next week. She said it was her fourth week here and she would also be here next week! Now splitting the car was sounding even better! She was checking in first, and when they asked her what company she was with, she stated she was an independent contractor working for . . . yes! The same company I am here auditing! We were howling at this! I’m here auditing, she is here in Marketing, but what are the chances that we came from two different placed to come to the exact same place at the exact same time for almost the exact same reason. Serendipity.

So we decided to try to get together at least one night so we could go to dinner together. Here’s hoping we can make it happen!

That’s a lot of excitement for one evening. I think maybe I need to rethink my whole philosophy of leaving at Oh-My-God-O’clock on a Monday morning to catch a flight and just catch all of the excitement of leaving on a Sunday night.

Something Is Bugging Me

Something was bugging me yesterday as I was leaving the audit site to make my drive to the airport.

As I headed to my car in the parking lot, there are two very large bugs buzzing around the driver's side of my car, sort of concentrating on the area of the side mirror. At first I thought they were bumble bees, as they were that big, round with the big wide wings.

As I was standing by my car, afraid to open the door, one of the bugs flew into the side of the car with a thump. He knocked himself silly! He actually fell to the ground and was legs up trying to right himself. It wasn't a bumble bee after all, but a hard shelled bug that was irridescent green. I wasn't getting any closer than that to see what it was. Finally, the one on the ground righted itself, shook it off and was back up and flying towards my side mirror.

Now I do have a dilemma. The weather in Kansas right now is horrific. The temps are in the high 90s with the humidity also in the high 90s. When you open your car door, you have to stand there for a minute until some of the built up heat escapes. That's all I need is to know one or both of these bugs flew in my car and are hitching a ride with me over to the airport. I think not. So I stood there like an idiot.

Finally two women went to walk by and they sort of looked at me funny like what was my problem. Finally I said "bugs!" The one woman saw them and was amazed. As she walked towards me to get a better look at them, the suddenly took off. She may have been disappointed at their departure, but I had the good sense to thank her from the bottom of my heart.

Random Musings

I have nothing to blog about today so I’m just going to write about a couple of quick thoughts.

• Last night I went to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner. I think their food is substandard, but I do enjoy their salad bar. Hey, I’m a sucker for some raisins in my salad.
  
  I was at the salad bar behind this very elderly gentleman. I swear, he was 90 if he was a day. We ended up having a good old time filling up our plates together. This guy is like me in 50 years. He had an opinion about everything, from what was offered on the salad bar to what I was putting on my plate to the hostess walking behind us. I was having a ball with this guy.
  
  We get to the peas. He put a nice pile on his plate and then couldn’t believe it when I decided to pass on these little morsels. As most of you know, I’d rather eat worms than peas. But I didn’t want to tell him that! He said his favorite way to eat peas was to have them covered with honey and he asked if I ever had them that way. While I never have eaten peas with honey on them, I couldn’t stop my mind from racing on to how anyone would have discovered this combination and trying to decide in my head if this was a good idea or not. Then, the gentleman looked at me, and with a twinkle in his eye, said “yeah, the honey keeps them from slipping off of the knife when you eat them”. Ok, maybe you had to be there, but this guy absolutely made my night! We couldn’t stop from giggling at the salad bar.

• Last night was not a good night for sleeping. I went to bed around 10 or 10:30, and fell asleep pretty quickly. My phone rang at 12:14 a.m. with a wrong number. C’mon people. If you feel the need to dial at that time of night, at least dial correctly! By the time I slowed my heartbeat down from being frightened awake, a storm had rolled in. Thunder, lightening, the whole works. I wish I would have slept through that.
  
• I heard a bit of trivia on the radio this morning while driving to work. Campbell’s soup uses 44 billion stars a year in their chicken and stars soup every year. Yes, that’s 44 billion with a “B”. That’s a lotta stars!
  
  
• This has been driving me crazy for a week. Most of these things we probably see daily or at least weekly, but I can’t figure out but a few of them. http://www.2jdhosting.com/ge/logogame/index.php Type your answers in the blocks, hit “check” at the bottom, and you can tell which ones are correct. I don't even know half of them!

Ok, that's enough goofing off. I better get back to work. It's almost lunch time.

Perspective

I forgot about a story from yesterday. I didn’t remember it until I was talking to Ron last night and I told him about my flight over here.

In the Cleveland airport, the Continental Airlines regional jets take off from the “D” terminal. To get to this terminal, you walk half way through the “C” terminal, then down an escalator that is two stories high, through a long tunnel with moving walkways that take you under the runway and then up a two story high escalator into the “D” terminal.

I stepped onto the up escalator behind a woman that was trying to carry quite a load. She had her son, about seven years old, two large suitcases each with a smaller suitcase hooked to the handle plus a large bottle of water.

The son got on the escalator first. Then the woman pushed one of the large suitcases in front of her, then her, and then she pulled the second large suitcase behind her. She was trying somehow to also hold this large bottle of water. In thinking back, I think it was the water bottle that started the whole thing, but it all happened so fast, I’m really not sure.

First, she is juggling the water. I see it going, but I am not able to catch it and it goes by me because I next see her suitcases closest to me starting to fall. As she is trying to grab them, she is losing her balance and starting to fall as well. So I grabbed the suitcases closest to me, and kind of put my weight behind them so as to hopefully prevent her from going ass over tin cups down the escalator. On top of all that, the suitcases on the other side of her are also started to fall on top of her. What a nightmare in a short amount of time!

I tell her not to worry about the lower suitcases, as I had a hold on them. She just needed to worry about righting herself and the upper suitcases. Luckily, she wasn’t holding on to her son, he just watched with wide eyed wonder! She thankfully was able to brace herself against me and the lower suitcases while she got herself back to her feet and steadied the higher suitcases. Poor woman was in a tizzy, which I can’t say I blame her. As she was straightening herself up, she said something like “thanks! I can’t believe after all that all I lost was my water bottle!” Then, the guy behind me spoke up and said he was able to catch the water and he passed it up to her.

As scared as I was for a moment thinking this woman with four suitcases was going to fall on me . . . can you IMAGINE what was going through the head of the guy behind me? He not only had to be worrying about the lady with four suitcases falling, he had to worry about ME falling on him first! And I thought I was having a bad day! Think of the nightmares HE had that night!

Here is a good lesson in perspective. We were all on the escalator at the same time.

• From the son’s perspective, this may be a funny show he is about to witness.
  
• From the lady’s perspective, she is worried about the embarrassment of falling plus the possibility of getting injured.
  
• From my perspective, I am seriously worried about her falling on me and me falling and the pain of the injuries that will come from all of that.
  
• From the perspective of the guy behind me, if we all fall, he probably will be crushed to death!

From now on, I’m getting on the escalator first!

I Am Alive!

Hello again from Kansas.

It's been a crazy time with the traveling and the holiday. So much has happened since I've last written, but just haven't made the time to sit and write about it.

Let's see if I can give you a recap.

The holiday weekend was wonderful but it went by way too quickly. We jammed a whole lot of fun into a couple of days.

Saturday Ron and I got to take a really long motorcycle ride heading to one of our favorite restaurants, Bahama Breeze. A great lunch with friends was a nice way to start the weekend festivities.

Sunday we headed to Mike and Mary Jane's to visit with family. I got to meet the new members of our family, Noah and Grady. Man, this family seems to make some beautiful kids! It was truly my honor to meet the boys for the first time and my absolute pleasure to see everyone else. The food was fabulous, as always, and you sure couldn't beat the company.

Monday we scored big. Mike and Mary Jane had to give up their theater tickets for Monday night and they asked us if we'd like to use them. So Ron and I headed downtown in our Sunday finest and enjoyed a great show. I've been singing the music from the show ever since in my usual way. Loudly and badly. So, I'll never make it on Broadway. That's ok though. It was a great time.

Tuesday found us at a cookout with friends. Good food, good company, and since our friend Larry was involved, a LOT of laughs.

See? It was a great weekend! We were running and gunning every day and like I said, we wrapped a whole lot of fun into four days. I sure did need that.

The next three days were for me spent working out of my local office. There never seems to be enough time to do all of the administrative work that goes along with this job. So, three solid days in the office helped at least my frame of mind on some issues.

The only bad thing I could say for this week is my laptop for work has started to play games with me. I'm the only auditor in my company that I know who has been on the same laptop for three years. My boss for example, is on his third laptop in that time! I've had a Sony Vaio and really had nothing but good luck with it. The only down side to it was there was no wireless card in it. Oh well.

For the last month or so, my screen has been flickering. Mainly when I boot up in the morning. It's progressively gotten worse. When it actually started to "crackle" when it flickered, I thought maybe it was time to make a call to my IT department. I thought he would just have an easy fix for me to do. Not so lucky. He said he'd set up another laptop for me and have it to me by last Wednesday. So, I said, "Oh, a loaner until you fix it?" Then he dropped the bomb on me. Not a loaner but a replacement. Grrr.

This IBM Thinkpad was delivered to my office on Wednesday. All I did with it Wednesday was turned it on to make sure it worked. Remember, I am the authority on the O.N.O.F.F. button. Once I made sure that worked, I saw that this laptop had a wireless card! Bonus!

The thought of transferring all of the files from my old laptop to my new one just overwhelmed me. So, in typical fashion, I waited until Sunday to start it. Once again, thank goodness for Ron because I never would have done it without him. IT should never assume that us idiots in the field know anything. An instruction manual would have been a BIG help. Luckily Ron knows just about everything and really helped me out. Thanks, honey!

So, today was day one with the new laptop. I have buttons I don't know what to do with yet, but so far, I've pushed just about everything and still haven't blown anything up yet. So far, so good!

That's about all the news that's fit to print on this Monday from Topeka Kansas! But, you know that when I travel something usually happens to me.

10 Second Rule

I've been on a roll this week!

Tonight for dinner, I chose Longhorn Steakhouse. Hey, I'm on an expense account. I believe my company needs to feed me well since they are making me be away from home.

So, picture this. I just started a new book, which is awesome by the way. Prior Bad Acts by Tami Hoag. But I digress. I have a good book, I have a raspberry margarita, which by the way is absolutely awesome, and I just ordered a steak. I am enjoying my ceasar salad, reading my book when the manager comes up to me. Here is the conversation that took place:

Manager: Hi, ma'am. I'm sorry to tell you, but we just dropped your steak on the floor.
Me: I don't want that one anymore.
Manager: Well . . . we didn't plan on serving it to you!
Me: Good! Because I really don't want that one.
Manager: I assure you, we'll cook you another steak. I'm just here to inform you that it will take another eight minutes for your dinner to come out.
Me: That's ok, as long as I don't have to eat the one off of the floor.
Manager: Would you like another raspberry margarita while you wait?
Me: Yes, please.

I didn't taste any sludge off of the floor, so I do think they made me a new one. At least that's the story I'm gonna stick with!

Did I mention that the raspberry margarita was really, really good?

Cry Baby

You know, today has been one of those days.

It’s Monday so I was flying back to Topeka Kansas. I know Monday morning lines at the airport are jam packed with people, so I asked Ron if we could leave a little earlier than we did last week. I wanted to make sure I had enough time.

We left the house as I requested at 6:15 a.m. for a 9:00 a.m. flight. Good thing I gave myself that extra 15 minutes as the road we take into the airport from the highway was closed due to construction. The detour took us way around and the traffic was thick with other travelers wondering what the heck happened to their commute.

When traveling for work, I carry my laptop onto the plane and check one bag of luggage. So it doesn’t matter if I check in on line or at the airport, since I’m checking a bag, I have to get in some line. Here is where I actually had a bright spot to my day. Ron drops me off right at the door to ticketing counter for Continental (what a great guy he is!). I looked in the door and there had to be 200 people in the zig zag line to get to the ticketing counter at Continental. That drives me crazy being in the middle of that! I see the curbside skycaps only have a few customers, so I decide to wait outside. Immediately, one of the skycaps calls me over.

In 30 seconds, he gives me my boarding pass and takes my luggage. People! Use the curbside skycaps! They are awesome! They saved me at least ½ hour waiting in that long ass line inside. They did in 30 seconds what 10 agents working the counters inside can’t do in ½ hour. Tip a couple of bucks and thank the heavens you’re done with this part. From here, it’s right on to the security line.

That part wasn’t so bad. It took me maybe 20 minutes to get through there, then the long walk to the “D” concourse for my flight. I was in plenty of time to make sure I had time to pee before my flight and even time to sit calmly and try to relax before my flight. All was going according to plan when suddenly . . . . a DOG in the concourse . . . walking to MY gate. Oh heavens, the woman with the dog was talking to the gate agent right by the gate MY flight was leaving from. This can’t be.

The dog looks to me like it’s a mutt of some sort, black and white and hairy, standing about knee high. The woman with the dog finishes talking to the gate agent and continues on to the ladies room. What do I do? I call Ron! I am half frantic about the dog being on my flight. He tries to calm me, but it wasn’t working too well. I saw no dog carrier or crate anywhere around. I had a feeling this dog was going to be loose in the plane.

I hang up with Ron and walk over to the gate agent. I ask about the dog and if it’s planning on being on my flight. She said yes, the dog was an aide dog, a hearing dog to be exact, and it would be traveling on my flight. I guess the look on my face made her question first if I was ok. I answered with a confident “not really” before the flood gate of tears started. She also tried to calm me and asked if I was worried because I was allergic. I replied no, I was just terrified. I believe that Continental has the best staff out there working for them, as I’ve written about them before, and this lady was no exception. She made sure that my seat and the dog’s seat weren’t close to each other. (I was in the back of the plane and the dog was in the front. Hmm.) She said she would make sure I got on the plane before the dog so that I wouldn’t have to walk by it. I agreed that would probably work. If I don’t have to see it, I should be ok.

They were getting ready to board the plane and I was allowed to be the FIRST person on the plane! Go me! Even before the Elite Travelers. Yes, being a cry baby does have its perks. I have been bumped up to the status of “persons requiring extra assistance down the jet way”. Yes, that’s me.

So I’m on the plane, strapped in, and now just have crashing to worry about. I don’t see the dog get on, and I don’t see the dog on the plane. I was going to be ok.

My next excitement was after I picked up my car rental, it really is an easy drive normally here to Topeka. It’s just over an hour’s drive, but almost a straight shot. I thought even I couldn’t get lost. Um, once again, I was wrong. I missed a turn. I was lost. Go figure. So, my drive ended up taking just over two hours instead of one. I guess it could have been worse. I did find my way back so all is well.

You’d think that would be the end of it, wouldn’t you? HA! I have one more. I finally find my way and pull into the parking lot. My thoughts are on making sure I grab my wallet out of the front seat and then go to the trunk to get my laptop bag. Hey! Something is wrong! I can’t get the key out of the ignition. Heck, I can’t make the key turn all the way to the “locked” position.

I remember having cars that had secret buttons you had to push in order to get the keys out. I thought maybe this was one of those. I tried pushing and pulling and twisting everything I could see. I did figure out that I can make the steering wheel go up and down but I still can’t get the key out of the ignition. Crap. I wasted 10 minutes out there before I finally just called Enterprise. I told them who I was and that I had just rented a car there this morning. I even told them the car I had was a Mazda 3. Then I dropped the bombshell that I was too much of an idiot to get the key out of the ignition. His response? “Ma’am, is the car is park?” He makes it sound so easy. Of COURSE the car is . . . . not . . . . in park. Dammit. My only excuse I could offer him is that I drive a standard so there IS no park on them. He said “that’s ok, ma’am. It happens all the time.”

Waa!

I am afraid. When I get out of work, I am not going to go out to dinner or go shopping or anything else. I think it is right to the hotel for me and have something delivered for dinner. I think I’ll be much safer that way.

Bad News/Good News/Weird News

The bad news is that our router went kaput.

Before you start thinking that I have advanced in my technical knowledge, the only reason I knew there was a problem was because I couldn't play Pogo when I got home Friday night. That did not make me happy. Poor Ron was on a mission to get my Pogo working.

Seems neither of our PCs could connect to the internet. Unplugging and rebooting everything would get us back online, but it would only last for about a minute. Then Ron took the router out of the equation and plugged the blue cord directly into a PC and everything worked fine. His diagnosis? Our router was dead.

My suggestion to run to K-mart at 11:00 p.m. was shot down with an alternate suggestion of buying a new router on Saturday. Well, it wasn't my vote but since I wouldn't know what to do with one if I held it in my hand, he won. Today, he did go buy us a router.

The good news is that since he had to buy a new router, Ron decided to upgrade us to wireless!! Ok, almost everyone I know is already on to this technology. But for me, this is just too much to hope for to be able to play Pogo downstairs! So, Ron hooked everything up and put the wireless card in his laptop and we were down in the diningroom surfing the net. Next step is to buy a wireless card for my laptop. Once that's done . . .

The weird news - a long time ago, my nephew Mike was boasting about sitting in the bathroom and still being able to surf the net. Well, that visual (heaven help me) has been stuck in my head ever since.

So Mike, beware. I'm taking one of the laptops into the bathroom and the next time I'm "getting busy", I'm sending you an e-mail giving you the play by play! One bad visual deserves another!

That's Just Wrong, Pages 4 and 5

Yesterday was a bonus day. I was witness to not one but TWO valid entries into my future book titled "That's Just Wrong".

Page 4 - As I was driving back to the Kansas City Airport yesterday to come home, I passed a billboard. The billboard said: "Beef - it's what's for dinner". Where was this billboard? Next to a very large pasture....filled with cows. Think about it. That's just wrong!

Page 5 - I had time at the airport before my flight to grab lunch. Space in the airport is at a premium. They have a very small eating area next to this sandwich shop where they try to fit 20 people into a spot for six. There is no table for one, if you want to sit, you find an empty chair and sit.

As soon as one person stands up, another is right there to sit in that spot. There is no time to clean the tables so there are a lot of crumbs on the table. Not such a big deal, they wipe off with a napkin.

I was sitting there, enjoying my overpriced sandwich when a lady decides to sit across from me. She looked at the table and said "This table is filthy" and decided that she didn't want to put her sandwich on a "filthy" table (the sandwiches are fully wrapped and then in a bag) so she placed her lunch on the chair while she wiped a cleaner spot on the table. Now think about this. She didn't want to put her sandwich on a table where there are a few crumbs, instead opting to put her sandwich on a chair that has been covered by various asses throughout the day. C'mon lady, that's just wrong.

Where's The Orkin Man When I Need Him?

Ok, this was not the best start to a day.

I’ve written previously that I have what I thought was an above average hotel room. When you walk in the door, you walk down a little hallway, maybe 10 feet long. Then, on the left is a little changing room with the sink, and closet. Beyond that is the bathroom with a toilet and shower.

Instead of turning left into that area, if you go straight into the room, there is a king sized bed on the left, a TV and dresser on the right. Farther in are a couch and coffee table on the left and a desk and chair on the right.

The back wall beyond all that is a sliding glass door that goes out onto a little patio that has two chairs and a table.

Like I said, I thought it was a bit above average. No refrigerator and no microwave, no free continental breakfast, but still not bad.

That’s what I thought . . . until this morning.

I had just finished dressing and had thrown my laptop bag over my shoulder and was ready to go into the hallway to the closet where my shoes spent the night. From there, I am out the door.

When suddenly . . .

I saw . . .

An uninvited guest in my room.

Yes, an uninvited and most unwanted guest in my room.

There was a cockroach on the floor in that hallway.

What’s a girl to do? He’s between me and my shoes. I don’t have my .357 on me, and worst of all, Ron is 700 miles away! I can’t jump over it (it may get me) I can't go out the other way because there IS no other way. I am stuck.

I grabbed my book and started to try to smash it. I say try because it took quite a few hits with a hardback book just to get it to slow down. Holy cripes this thing was ugly. Not the biggest one I’ve ever seen, this one was probably just an inch or so long. But that doesn’t matter. A freakin’ roach is a freakin’ roach. UGH.

I finally incapacitated it enough to be able to take a half of a tissue box, pick it up and flush it down the toilet. I flushed three times, just to make sure. Then I scrubbed my hands with hot soup and water a bunch of times and even had to soap up a rag and try to clean off the cooties from my book. Thank goodness it’s a library book! (Think about THAT next time you get a book from the library!) Now I’m shaking and want nothing more than to just go home. Now I’m afraid of my laptop bag, I’m afraid of my luggage bag, I was even afraid to put my shoes on. Ewww. How many more of his buddies were around?

As calmly as I could, I left my room, locked the door and headed down the elevator to the lobby. Very calmly and as quietly as I could so as not to disturb the breakfast eaters down there, I explained that I had just come from room 316 where I just had the misfortune of having to kill a roach. I requested that the room please be sprayed with something before I come back tonight.

The girl truly looked shocked that I said roach. She even asked if I was sure. Um, I think you only need to see one of those damn things in a lifetime to never forget what a roach looks like. Yes, I was sure. I should have brought my half box of tissue paper downstairs for her to see instead of flushing it. Ugh again.

She assured me that my room would be sprayed today. As compensation, she even gave me a coupon for a free breakfast.

Hmm. Kill a roach = free breakfast. Not even close.

Not a good start to the day. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket on my way back. After that start, the cosmos owe me one!

I'm Baaack, Part 2

I did forget one thing that happened yesterday that I meant to write in the last blog.

While I had little problems finding my way here from the airport, and from here to the hotel and back also was no problem, I did have problems finding my way through the building here.

Let me start by saying that this is the largest building I’ve ever worked in. Not stories wise, but square footage per floor wise. It’s only two stories high but jiminy crickets, it’s a long walk from the front door to where my office is.

And, the building is full of security. I pass security walking in, I have to show my badge everywhere. I went through two different badges yesterday while they determined what level of a security risk I am. HA! Anyway, it was decided that I had to fill out a form, include my next of kin, and it went out for approval. Today I will be taking a mugshot and getting a badge that shows that said mugshot for all to see. Am I lucky or what!

When I walked in yesterday, I was escorted up to my office. While we went to introduce me to security on work on the appropriate badges, I was escorted. I knew how to find the bathroom and the coffee room all by myself, but beyond that, I didn’t have a clue. When I went to leave last night, of course, I got lost. I found the correct stair well to go down to the first floor, but after that I was lost. I had to ask directions twice to find the dang front door! I really suck at directions!

By the time I found the front door, I was a little flustered. I was signing out at security and sort of jokingly asked the guard if there were any emergency buttons around the building that I could push next time I got lost leaving the building. He asked if I seriously got lost and I said YES! I even told him that I had to ask for help twice getting out of here!

He said the best he could do was “watch out for me”. I thought for sure a company e-mail may have gone through last night warning of a crazy auditor on the loose.

But I was wrong. When I got here this morning, I signed in and the security guard “helped” me find my way back here to my office! No one but me do these kinds of things happen to. So, I got to be escorted to my office this morning, and I was given his extension if I would like an escort back out of here tonight. He said he would come to my office and walk me out.

Now THAT’S service!

I'm Baaack!

Here I am, back in Topeka Kansas. I know y'all are jealous! Yes, I am in Topeka Kansas.

On the bad side - Kansas is flat, flat, flat. And, it's dang hot. I bet it got up to a million degrees today, or at least that's what it felt like.

On the good side - Kansans (is that a word?) are really nice people. People let you over in traffic. In the store, people held doors open and people took turns going down an aisle instead of pushing their way through. Nice change.

Starting at the beginning of today, poor Ron dragged his butt out of bed to take me to the airport at 6:30 a.m. I really figured that a Tuesday morning wouldn't be like a Monday morning at the airport. Wow, was I wrong! The airport was absolutely packed. Luckily I got through in time. It didn't matter much as my flight was delayed an hour this morning. I hate that part.

We finally took off headed for Kansas City Missouri. It's a two hour flight which is a long time to keep my butt plastered in a hard uncomfortable seat. (I know Mike, you have no sympathy for me on that one!) I slept through the first hour of the flight but the second hour the pilot was doing everything he could to keep me awake. The plane was rocking and rolling. We hit some really bad storms coming in here, but we landed safely anyway.

I found the rental car place ok and had them verify the directions I had to the highway. I was good to go. I found my audit site with little trouble! Now THAT never happens!

So, I worked hard today, never got to take a lunch, so I made sure I had a nice steak dinner tonight! Yes, I do love an expense account.

I have an above average hotel room. I have my work space all set up here, my clothes are ironed and in the closet. I can't be any more ready than this.

For now, it's been a long day and I'm pooped. If it wasn't a million degrees outside, I'd go sit out on my balcony and enjoy the night air. Instead I'm turning up the a/c, brushing my teeth and heading to bed.

This is my exciting life.